Wine, Whine and Music

There's a weekend of drinks and fun to share, but first it is necessary to get the whine out of the way. Where along the way it happened is impossible to know, but it is now clear that my friends and I are outside the protective bubble of twenty-something life. At this crossroad we are either damaging others, ourselves or both. This comes to mind after talking to a friend that's having an affair. Personally, it doesn't bother me because people can make their own decisions. It does however feel like we've taken teenage traits and applied credit cards and hotel rooms to the mix. Just something that's been floating around my mind, but now for the more interesting stuff.

The Russian invited me along with a handful of others out to LI for a wine tasting tour. After a night out and three hours of sleep, dragging myself out of the bed was torture. The ironic part of this story is that the Animator had text me late Friday to remind me not to be late. Arriving right on time, it was a surprise with the Animator overslept and no-showed. My theory here is that he needed to get out of attending to use the wine cash for the cruise he's leaving on today...though that's speculation.

So, the five of us piled into a limo where we enjoyed Top Pop and vodka at 9:30 in the morning. One of the group is a Greek guy I believe, thus we will label him the Greek - clever I know. Now, I know that I'm not usually the most affectionate nor perceptive person when it comes to interacting with people, but the Greek seemed to be giving my ass a lot attention. The first pat was fine and a little flirty, but then they continued through two tastings. It wouldn't be worth mentioning, but like my friend mentioned above, the Greek had a boyfriend. Either I'm misinterpreting friendly touching, or as usual I'm producing my attraction pheromone: You have a boyfriend but would probably make a move if I gave you the go-ahead, but I don't want to be labeled a home wrecking hooker, even though it would really be you making a bad decision. The third tasting began and ended with breaking glasses, the first by mistake and the second on purpose like something from a Jewish wedding.

The two hour limo ride back to Astoria nearly killed me as I have the bladder of a twelve year old girl and happened to be pumped full of booze. Once relieved everyone abandoned the Russian and I as they all apparently have lives when it comes to Saturday night. They missed out, the most fun came out of the next few hours as we played, "you've got to hear this song." Bad 80's and 90's music pretty much do it for me, toss beer and pizza into the mix and it pretty much makes it a top ten night. With cell phone dead, head spinning and eyes drooping I passed out on the couch. Eventually the Russian awoke and offered up his bed. I'm appreciative that he didn't ask me to head home, not that he would, but guys have done stranger things.

Here I'll give you some let down as there was no funny business. It was just a night of fun and games that unexpectedly occurred without the usual pressure and stigma of a date or Grindr date. As a side note and an ending I can say that I did learn how influential Shew was in pushing people out of my life. It's amazing what you can learn about yourself from the point of view of another person.

The Queens

Last night was Foxxy Business' annual Oktobertefest, no that's not a typo. An interesting night to say the least. My personal highlight had to be Business' friend Nissi. She comes up to me at the beginning of the party, "I know you." Really when someone says that to me it can go either way. It turned out she remembered that I have a habit of running my mouth and commentating on everyone/everything. She did take pause to ask if I was going to be able to control myself when the plus sized guests arrived. I'm not cruel, I know how to just use facial expressions to judge.

The party had a little bit of everything. A variety of pumpkin flavored beers, straight guys trapped in a room of gays, and Business getting sliced up by sugar laced with shards of glass - that's some serious diet action. After a few hours the Animator began to text and just happened to be down the street at a mutual friend's party. Once they realized that Shew was not with me, an invitation was extended and I navigated the foreign land of Queens.

There are only two things worth noting about the second party. One: I had to correct the story of what really happened with Shew two times, plus a few times at the first party. Two: The Russian was there and as I was leaving says, "I'd like to see more of you." I assume that means the obvious, but then again you never really know what someone's thinking. Also, I have no idea how intoxicated anyone was since I arrived to that party pretty late in comparison.

Trying to escape back to the city I managed to get the Animator and myself lost, piling into a cab for rescuing. Once back in the city I realized I'd had much more to drink than originally intended. As we stood in the center of Industry and the room began to spin, the most appropriate song was played. Oops...I did it again! Gay - yes. Amazing - more yes. Leaving on a high note, I had one final move in me for the evening. Mr. Kitty was getting a text whether he liked it or not. Having heard from him the night before at a point too late to go out, I was a little riled that he makes it so difficult to hangout. The point being, life is easy, stop making this shit so hard. Those are the drunken words of wisdom that I left him with before crawling onto the sofa and sinking into unconsciousness. Like I said, it was an interesting night.

Guns 'n Gays

Lately there hasn't been much to share. In the beginning I would post about the ridiculous things happening in my life. However, that all has become the normal. The inappropriate things I say are commonplace and it's more shocking to not have them said. However, in the spirit of Margarita Friday it is my duty to press on.

The Animator celebrated a birthday this past weekend, the big 3-0! Business, Shew and I arrived early with the intention of enjoying happy hour and a clear bar. Either the Animator is the most popular gay in the village or everyone was aware of the two-for-one cocktails. Being under six foot it's nearly impossible to get the bartender's attention. Not to mention the fact that they all happen to be straight, incredibly hot, but straight. That means my knockers aren't big enough to press against the bar for attention... bastards. A forty-something took it upon himself to inform the bartender I was waiting for service. This would have been viewed as an act of kindness if we lived in Nebraska. No shit I'm waiting for service, me and the two-hundred other homos jumping up and down waving their dollar bills.

The Animator and a few friends trickled in and our trio joined them. It's been so long since Mr. Animator has been a regular character in the ongoing play that is our life, you have to wonder if we can all still function together. A handful of his friends are not my cup of tea, mainly because they act as if they are dressed in robes of golden cuntiness. Much to my surprise the first friends to show with the Animator were the few that I like.

Business's ex-b was one of them. This made things more interesting because he brought along his new boyfriend. You could see the uncomfortable tension, not so much from Business, but his ex didn't seem to be exactly comfortable. The new boyfriend was perfectly nice, a little harry for my taste and definitely not as pretty as Business. When any of my ex's begin dating I like them dating someone like this. Mainly because I want to be viewed as the pretty ex. Shallow, yes.

We left the birthday around 9:30, a jukebox at another bar had my name on it. While Business and I fed dollars into the machine, picking song after song, Shew decided to start debating. First we talked politics, then gun control. There was really no reason to discuss any of this, mainly because once you get me drunk I'm even more vocal about what I think. As Shew told us there should be better gun regulation and laws I brought up my most valid of points. My Uncle took a gun and shot my aunt in the head. He had the gun legally. So it doesn't matter how strict you make the laws, people can obtain guns and shoot you in the head. And if they can't get them legally they can drive twenty minutes uptown and get it off the back of a truck. This is probably the butchest conversation the three of us have ever had.

Now that we are settling in for another work we, I'll count the days to Margarita Friday in anticipation of what drunken topic will piss me off next week.

The Power of Words

It's time to stop talking about people from the past. Apparently, there's something happening right now that makes people appear. On Thursday evening it just so happened that Paul the Pilot appeared at the bar my friends and I were visiting. Literally moments before this I had been talking about how he was a big old tease that never made a move.

Shew was the first to notice him as Paul the Pilot walked behind us. We said hello and he mentioned how whenever we run into one another he doesn't notice me. Thank you. Thank you for pointing out that I don't stand out in a crowd. To my point that the Pilot is a big tease. We are standing there watching the show when he starts rubbing my shoulders, leans in and asks, "Whose your daddy?" Are you for real?! One - no one is anybody's daddy here. Two - you could attempt to be if you actually made a move! Shocking side note: Guy on stage literally pulls off his pants and shows everyone his business.

Thirty minutes later we were leaving and I noticed the Pilot was in the back of the bar talking to the underwear-less wonder. He later claimed that he had no idea that was the guy from the stage. We all know that he found the kid, talked to him and in the back of his mind thought - this should be easy.

The next night I was exhausted from not being able to sleep and only stayed out for a few hours. We celebrated Foxxy Business' birthday in Queens at this great little restaurant, Queens Comfort. Eating fried chicken and waffles is amazing! Getting home early I was on the sofa and unwinding in preparation for bed. Who sends me a text... Delta. I had spoken about him with Foxxy Business a few hours earlier and here he comes out of nowhere.

Delta wanted to go grab a drink but there was no way I could pull myself off the sofa. He suggested he come over with drinks. I said yes, of course. Here he comes and he's obviously interested in a booty call but trying to play it off as if he was just over for a beer. Moving things along I made the first move and got the ball rolling. Ten minutes later I was falling asleep and told Delta it wasn't happening. I did offer him a chance to take care of things on his own in the bathroom. Though I was passing out it looked like he stormed out of the apartment. Being the good date that I am, I didn't call of text to make sure he as ok.

Lesson from this week - If you talk about them they will come... kind of.

Late Nights

The last few margarita Fridays have lasted until the Sun came up on Saturday. Not entirely sure how this habit has come to be, but it does give me flashbacks to when I first moved to the city. It's like I'm twenty-one with an all new cast of friends.

The night I have in mind was packed with some of my friends that are more like supporting characters than main crew. The Photog and a few of his friends met up with myself, Shew and F-Buisness at Barrage. Note: The Photog has a friend that Shew also knows and has a very special name. Escalator a few years back had an incident where he fell off an escalator and literally cracked his head open. The fact that he's walking around is amazing, but it's a little funny that someone can fall off an escalator. Photog also brought along two Jersey girls that were board out of their minds. I was totally amused by them. Give me a drink, girls and the night is set.

After a few hours I was able to convince Paul the Pilot to stop by for a drink. My phone should have special settings that filter my contacts based on my blood-alcohol level. Paul the Pilot is one of the more professional and proper people that I know. He's known me for about ten years and knows my thoughts on happiness. He also knows me from my younger more miserable days in Utah. He probed about my thoughts on happiness today and all I know is my tongue could not control the words that I was spewing. He eventually high-tailed it out of their and has been invisible since. Oy.

The night for most of my friends ended at the Ritz where it was a big stand-around-do-nothing-fest. Shew and I went back to my place and enjoyed a few more drinks. It's amazing how long I can talk non-stop after 3:00 a.m., as well as how delightfully insightful I become to myself. This Friday is special as it's F-Business' birthday so there is sure to be sexy fun to report.

Social Calls

Shew sent Twinkle Toes home today and shared with me the details of the previous night. How is it that people always end up disliking me in one way or another? Let's rewind to the previous night. Shew text to let me know he and Twinkle Toes were on their way to a bar I like downtown. I declined the invite because it was after 10 p.m. And watching bad movies sounded good to me. They enjoyed their night and eventually made it back to Shew's place. Turns out that I was blasted for not attending and labels sour. Apparently Twinkle Toes viewed me as perpetually unfun. I despise this accusation because the pious three evenings I had gone out and had a great time. May I also add that the first two times I met Twinkle Toes I went out of my way to be fun and friendly. He can suck it. Not only was I labeled unfun, but the rest of my friends were labeled unfun because we didn't go out of our way to socialize with Twinkle Toe's friends at the house party on Thanksgiving. That's about crap, what person wants to invest their evening in people they will never see again? Also, when the only activity is dancing around to Wii you have to expect some will decline the invite to participate. So my vote is for Shew to find a gay that's less high maintenance and more user friendly.

The Circle

Holidays are slightly different when you don't live near family. For the most part traditions don't interest me other than the gathering together. Fortunately, I have friends that fulfill this need. Thanksgiving really began on Wednesday and continued through Friday. The Animator who has been trapped within the confines of school has reemerged just long enough to partake of the fun. As one of my staple friends it has been unusual having him absent for so long. To compensate for the prolonged absence it became my mission to add a new friend to the circle.

Foxxy was originally The Animators friend and part of a couple that we occasionally encountered. Once Foxxy and his significant other split there was a need for The Animator to remain friends with both - separately. The down side of being friends with a couple is that when they break up one half of the couple will inevitably have to leave the group at some point. Only in very rare cases do both parties remain. Either things become awkward when one is dating or tension will come from someone still having some kind of interest in the other.

As of now Foxxy has officially become the fourth friend in my circle. Why am I placing such importance on this? Having a close knit circle of friends has always been a top priority. Three is the perfect number of friends as one is always available and no one ever ends up being left out. This comes from a decade of moving, making friends and then moving again just to start from square one.

A little bit about Foxxy as he is new to the mix and no one knows much about him. As I mentioned, he was originally one of The Animators friends, but fits well into our group. We have a lot of similar personality traits and he's the only friend who drinks beer as well! It's nice to not be the only one without vodka in my cup - minor details matter. The nickname Foxxy actually came from a group vote. Which means my habit of naming people has been adopted by my friends and that I only have a quarter of the vote. Didn't see that one coming.

Speaking of nicknames and committee voting - Shew has been dating a guy and The Animator took it upon himself to begin the naming process. I voted for Shooter as he is in television production and it has a nice play off of Shew. However, through the damn committee vote and The Animator's cousin, Noodles', extra vote we have settled upon Twinkle Toes, much to Shew's displeasure. This came from a house party on Thursday evening where Twinkle Toes was bustin' move to one of those Wii dancing games.

I'm not sure TT will be around for long as he isn't fond of us outside of Shew. Though Shew doesn't seem to realize he is beginning to exhibit the dating traits similar to my own. Lord help him!

Birthday. Vomit. iPhone.

It seems like a good idea to condense two nights of drunken mayhem into one blog of entertaining proportions.

Cinco de Mayo, or as I was calling it, Arizona Deportation Day was my mid-week drunken adventure. It was supposed to be casual fun with friends, nothing too over the top. Myself, Shew and the Animator were at our second bar for the evening when Shew decided we needed to do tequila shots. My first response was that I would throw up. I was overruled and the shots were poured.

About half of the tequila beast made it into my mouth before I spit it into the beer that sat on the table beside me. Shew then gave me a "pussy shot" to chase it. The mistake was that I chugged my beer to chase the second shot and now it was loaded with tequila. It was almost instantaneous. There was only time to turn my head as everything from dinner and the previous bar came rushing out of my mouth, splattering my left arm and the table next to me. When I told Shew and the Animator that I would throw up, I meant it. Shew passed me enough napkins to clean the mess I made up, but we had to leave before anyone noticed.

The second bar happened to be home to The Devil. If you don't remember him, that's the guy I dated about two years ago. He was great with games and messing with my head, I fed into it and became three kinds of crazy. We chatted a bit before my friends wanted to leave. The Devil suggested I return after getting food, but I couldn't have stayed up that late even if I wanted to. I did text him later that night with a question. I have to wonder why he has a renewed interest in me when he claims to want to be single. He tells me he's Devil Lite, but acts the way I remember all too well. Maybe that should be the sign that nothing has changed and I should stick to the lessons I've learned. During all of this I smelled like a homeless person covered in vomit.

Night number two was Friday and we were celebrating the Animator's birthday a little early. Shew suggested we get him a gift, so we bought him a self pleasuring device. It's this nifty little masturbating tool that has beads and jelly... the best gift anyone could ask for.

There were two interesting events that took place. The first being Paul the Pilot. Paul the Pilot is a guy I slept with six years ago after the last signing for my second novel. His description of me was: "You look confident." I'll take that as a good thing because when I responded with cocky he laughed and said no. It's crazy that I would see him because we last saw each other the morning after our short affair on the other side of the country. The chances of us running into each other seem slim to none, apparently there's no escaping the past.

The evening took a turn for the worst at the last bar when I realized that I had lost my phone. I left it in the back of a cab as I fumbled my way onto the street. This sent me into a panic. My phone is not only my social life, but it controls my entire work life and houses many important numbers. Shew and the Animator tried to keep me from having a melt down, but I was ready to throw myself from a window. I ended up back at Shew's place, sending him to bed while I stayed up all night in a frenzy. The Sprint website received a workout as I tried to find anything that could help me turn off the phone and get a new one.

Sprint was less than helpful the next day. I went in to get a replacement phone only to find out that I was going to have to call some insurance place and wait several days for a new one to be mailed out. Days without a phone was not an option. Long story short, Shew talked me into getting an iPhone and making the jump back the evil AT&T. I ditched them as soon as Cingular was killed off because I hate AT&T, but I'm more annoyed at Sprint's douche baggy-ness.

All the drunken fun has a happy ending because I again have a phone, I saw two different pieces of my past and survived, but most important: The weekend was a success because the Animator is satisfied.

The Break-Up Sex

There's a first time for everything. I'm no virgin, but once again something has come along that's so titillating that I'm buzzing with excitement. For the first time, in all of my dating history, I've had the break-up sex.

It's true! There have been other times that might seem to fit this description, but this is the real deal. There've been a few guys that I played the off and ever so exciting on again game with, falling in and out of the sack with them. What makes this time different from any of those is that when they were over… they were over like an old man without a prescription for viagra.

Shew and I have decided that we can remain friends, and I think we may be able to achieve this amazing feat (though I'm told it's impossible). What we had was great except for the sexpectations. The jokes and Saturday outings were all fun and games, just like any friends would have. So, why can't that remain even after the dating portion of the game has concluded?

Last Sunday, when coming back from Baltimore, I asked Shew if it would be okay to stay at his house. It was usually much easier than going back to Brooklyn, but this time had to be different. The bus made extra stops in the Chinatown of Brooklyn and then actually dumped me off in Chinatown where a fire was raging. There were no cabs and all of the trains were a million miles off. Arriving at Shew's, I was tired and ready to cry. It was that special kind of frustrating that has you ready to throw yourself from a 6th story window.

Shew had been nice enough to grab food so I could eat upon arrival. We went to bed and there was a little bit of weirdness. He wanted a good night kiss, which I didn't think was a big deal, so I gave him one. That turned into a longer kiss… and then a longer kiss… and then whoops a penis was in a mouth. This supports my idea that I'm better in the sex department when it's a one time deal, because this was a one time deal. I don't sleep with my friends.

So, with a 'p' to the 'a' we put the final nail and our relationship to rest. We are ready to proceed as friends!

Sex = Ex

If bets were placed on how long Shew and I would last, anyone that guessed just over three months is the big winner. Slightly longer than my average relationship, bringing me toxic dating status to a tolerable level.

The claim has come from my own mouth that I am a proud lesbian. This break-up confirms this to be true. Once again a relationship has ended because I am in the slow sexual lane (this contradicts many popular opinions about me... suck on that bitches). It's this odd thing that happens in my brain. When Shew and I first started hanging out I wanted to bang the Jew out of him, but he wanted to take things slow... which we did. After changing our status to "officially dating" my penis turned off.

See, when dating, I don't think sex needs to be a part of things. You should be interested in everything except sex, kind of like we're a couple that's been married for too many years. The guy part of my brain says it's more interesting to be single and have random one nighters along the way, where the girl part of me gets into the relationship and slips the chastity belt on. It's a mystery... a sexual mystery.

The break up was probably the most adult of any I've had to date. There was no yelling, fighting or tears. It was very straight to the point and problem. Shew and I decided we're better off as friends, which is more or less what we were the entire time because I kept my pants on so tight it cut off his circulation. Time will tell if we are actually able to make the friends thing work, I've only been able to truly do it a time or two. There are random ex's that move in and out of my life, but we're anything but friends. Most of my ex's are like familiar douche bags that spill into my life every blue moon and give me that bitter wrinkle causing face.

Now that I have resumed single life the lesbian in me can truly be free to let her mullet down. It's going to be flannel, beer and vag from here on out. Well, until I get that evil dating itch again. Any bets on how long before that is?

Coffee is the only thing that's forever

It's safe to say that guys are generally sexual, if not a little bit on the slutty side of the fence. When a guy doesn't live up to the stereotype of doing everything penis-first there must be something wrong with him.

Sex to me has never been that important. It's more of an obligation than anything else. From my first boyfriend to now, sex has always turned into a problem. Shew is starting to see the major drawbacks to dating me. Frigid, bitter, cold, and a bunch of explicits are often used to describe me. Though I will admit there's a warm fuzzy feeling that comes with them. Like any normal guy, Shew wants to get his business serviced. Unfortunately, I am not of the sexual working group. It seems more productive for people to give their hands a quick workout and be done with it. You know what you like, if you do it then it's over twice as fast and the way you want!

Something on television mentioned sex as a way of getting closer to a person. This is incorrect. Sex is a way of getting inside of a person. If you want to get close to me, first of all, you should pause and think about the dangers. If you're feeling brave, proceed with caution, and buy me a coffee. The fastest way into my circle is by way of Starbucks. After being infected by television, Shew brought up some of my behaviors. I told him what I hate telling people. I even prefaced with a little warning that no one actually wants to hear what it is I think.

I consider myself a loner. In fact being alone is something to enjoy. This city has so many people wandering around at all hours that when a person finds a minute to be alone they should try to make it last. Not to say I don't need anyone. I have amazing people in my life that fill up any existing voids. One thing kids should learn is how relationships really function. Forever means until a person is bored. I love you means I want inside you. And promises are only good until they're not. Coffee is the only thing that's forever. I've watched every member of my family do the relationship back flips and bull shit, I knew a long time ago that wasn't for me.

I'm not sure where things are going with Shew, this all feels uncomfortably familiar.

Offend Me!

Shew and I have still not had a real fight, but we came damn close the other night. If it weren't for a freak chance things would have turned out very different.

It just so happens that a diner serves up more than just food. You can get a pipping hot argument before even walking through the door. Last Friday, Shew and I headed to Metro because a night out in Brooklyn was due. We were only a few blocks away from my apartment when he told me he didn't want to go to the diner after the bar. The best part of going out is the delicious diner food at the end... at least for me. It's tradition! This irritated me because the last time we went out I gave up going to the diner because Shew didn't want to.

My suggestion was that we alternate weekends between going out with each other and our friends. Shew has a more upscale group of friends that would likely have more fun at a wine tasting. My friends tend to like ghetto things such as THE DINER! This struck a chord with Shew and the rest of the walk to the train was silent. A new policy went into practice when I started dating Shew. I just let go of things that piss me off. Maybe it's a lot to expect the same in return. On the train platform Shew said he just needed a minute, but I honestly contemplated going home right then and there. I knew he wasn't going to drop it and I'm sick, sick, sick of arguing almost every time we go out. It's insane.

Things were mellowing as we sat down to drinks when Shew sent a text to me by mistake. "Ryan just royally offended me." When I flipped my phone at him the look was priceless. He didn't want to talk about it, but now I was off and running with the angry. The music was loud but my voice came across loud and clear. For the first time Shew experienced the angry person I can be. I told him to get over himself, and when he told me it offended him I was honest and said I didn't care.

Honestly, I think it's bullshit. My suggestion for alternating weekends between friends and each other wasn't an effort to be apart more. It was an effort to compromise so we could both do what we want without having to do something unwanted. At that very moment Candy Mountain walked up and said hi. Immediately the retail face and personality came out. I try my best not to show my anger in front of friends and strangers whenever possible. This slowly defused the situation up until about an hour later when I wanted to go home.

Things are fine again, but I am questioning where things are going. I don't want to be in television relationship where there's a new drama happening every week. It's too much work, and so exhausting.

Pissy Shew

It's a little hard to say, but I think that Shew and I had our first fight. It was a silent fight, but I think it was one.

We went out with the Animator, more or less our normal routine. That's worth noting. Shew and I have fallen into a routine that typically arrives when most couples have been together for a while. We've only been official for about a month, but even before I left for the holidays things had become routine. I come over, we eat, then bed and up in the morning. Day after day, it's always the same. Then when it comes to going out, we do the same places and hangout with the same people. Not that I ever mind hanging with the Animator, he's one of my favorite friends.

So, we're at the bar and everyone is having a good time. After a few more drinks the Animator suggested getting food. Of course I'm instantly on board.  This is where I get confused. Shew said that we should go ahead and he would hang back. I insisted that we could wait for him to finish the tiny little drink he had ordered, but he encouraged us to go ahead. We left him at the bar and went around the corner. On the short walk there I had time to think about what might be going on. I could feel the familiar anger rising in the pit of my stomach. Having dated my fair share of cheating guys, this felt like the same old thing.

The Animator and I were at the diner at least twenty minutes before Shew showed up. I was certain that he stayed behind to talk to someone. Earlier in the evening the Animator had been playing on his iPhone and showed us this guy that was a douche. Coincidentally the guy was Newbie. I didn't see that coming, but we had a laugh at poor Newbie's expense. As a joke I texted Newbie, but he never responded. Shew didn't seem to be pleased by this, taking my phone and texting "let's play" to Newbie, who again did not respond.

I mention this because it seems that perhaps I'm being punished for having a past. Newbie's face showed up and suddenly Shew wanted to be alone in a gay bar. What are gay bars for? Hooking up! I didn't talk to him until we were back at his apartment, mainly I was trying to keep from storming out. He assured that I was being irrational, and perhaps I was, but it doesn't make sense that he would have no agenda when asking to stay behind. He claims that he just wasn't hungry and wanted to finish his drink. Is that the truth? Maybe. Can I be sure? No.

So, once again I am left to ask questions and wonder. We'll see if Shew turns out to be just like the rest, but hopefully he'll surprise me.

Brooklyn SL,UT

It's been a few years since I moved and the friends I left behind are just the way I remember them. There are very few people who remain consistent, and I think I got them all.

Leaving my mother's was bittersweet. I was sad to say goodbye, but excited to see my friends (some of which I haven't seen in two years). The first day was probably the most exciting. I met up with Stay Lo and dropped my junk off at the house she was tending. There was a sexy pug named Tucker that we got to watch, making me miss my Chico! Love the pugs.

As the sun set, my friends and I arrived at my favorite Utah gay bar. It's a total hole in the wall, my kind of place! It's funny that the bartender remembered me, I think at one point in my drunken past we made out. Anyway, a decent group showed up as I started to get messy. The beers were gigantic and I was drinking them as fast as I could. What I did learn at the bar is that Christmas in Utah can't compare to that of New York. Worth noting for next year. We took pictures and did the hug thing until people started to head home. Ray Ray, Stay Lo and I went back to Tucker the pug for beers and sleep.

The rest of my trip was not as eventful. Getting buried by end of year deadlines I had to back out of my Vegas New Year's plans with B. Brown. It sucked, but it was the only option. I still didn't manage to get everything I needed to done on time. The only other exciting thing happened the second day of my friend time. Mandee had mentioned she was getting a tattoo with her husband. In order to keep up, Ray Ray and I went to get tats as well. Ray Ray started what will become a zombie collage on her forearm, and (if you haven't seen my facebook) I put BROOKLYN down my side. Let me tell you, getting tattoos on your ribs hurts like a tranny whore. What helps is forcing someone like Mandee to sit there and talk to you the entire time. Oh, and take half a valium.

Like everything in life, my trip had to end. I was sad to leave my friends, but overjoyed to be getting back to my world. The only drawback is that I have two more weeks out of town with work before life will resume normality.

OH! I almost forgot to mention: Shew and I are out of the land of gray and officially dating. He's a brave boy to take on the pretty mess that is me, but I think he might be able to handle it.

Dick Dumb

We all know, or have been, the dick dumb person. You know, the one that stays with the guy because he's going to change. That's dick dumb.

Maybe you're the girl that loves the guy that cheats on her because 'he doesn't mean to'. That's dick dumb.

You could also just be giving someone tons of gifts in the hope that they'll give you love. That's super dick dumb.

You could also just be a dick or dumb. Those are totally different things. I usually get a bad case of dick and dumb when it comes to dating. I was out last night with a friend I rarely get to see and we were talking about my Shew situation.

I play the defensive like any sane person that dares to date. I expect guys to screw me and then screw me over. That's what they do, isn't it? Shew is a nice guy. I dated one of those a few years ago. I think he still hates my face. I've gone so far as to ask if there's some secret that he's going to come out with, like having a secret boyfriend. It's so hard to trust that a person can actually be genuinely nice without some kind of motive.

The friend I was out with last night was listening to me talk about Shew. Her advice: Knock the shit off. Pretty obvious and sound advice. It's not that I'm out doing anything, it's just that I tend to create drama where there is none. Lucky for me there is an incredible amount of tension at home. That takes the pressure off of Shew to provide me with drama.

The only real issue we've come upon is me not being able to expression any emotion. Well, I can expression the negative emotions like a crack whore looking for a fix, but when it comes to saying the nice things... it's like trying to pull my own teeth! I'm told it's because of bad family relations. That can't be true. It could just be the fact that I'm a bitter factory and it's way more fun to pollute the optimist pool.

While I am certainly not dick dumb with Shew, at this point, I am trying to get a handle on my dumb. So far so good, but there's always tomorrow.