Dick Dumb

We all know, or have been, the dick dumb person. You know, the one that stays with the guy because he's going to change. That's dick dumb.

Maybe you're the girl that loves the guy that cheats on her because 'he doesn't mean to'. That's dick dumb.

You could also just be giving someone tons of gifts in the hope that they'll give you love. That's super dick dumb.

You could also just be a dick or dumb. Those are totally different things. I usually get a bad case of dick and dumb when it comes to dating. I was out last night with a friend I rarely get to see and we were talking about my Shew situation.

I play the defensive like any sane person that dares to date. I expect guys to screw me and then screw me over. That's what they do, isn't it? Shew is a nice guy. I dated one of those a few years ago. I think he still hates my face. I've gone so far as to ask if there's some secret that he's going to come out with, like having a secret boyfriend. It's so hard to trust that a person can actually be genuinely nice without some kind of motive.

The friend I was out with last night was listening to me talk about Shew. Her advice: Knock the shit off. Pretty obvious and sound advice. It's not that I'm out doing anything, it's just that I tend to create drama where there is none. Lucky for me there is an incredible amount of tension at home. That takes the pressure off of Shew to provide me with drama.

The only real issue we've come upon is me not being able to expression any emotion. Well, I can expression the negative emotions like a crack whore looking for a fix, but when it comes to saying the nice things... it's like trying to pull my own teeth! I'm told it's because of bad family relations. That can't be true. It could just be the fact that I'm a bitter factory and it's way more fun to pollute the optimist pool.

While I am certainly not dick dumb with Shew, at this point, I am trying to get a handle on my dumb. So far so good, but there's always tomorrow.