Friend Hunt

It takes twenty-eight days to form or break a habit. The same concept can be applied to making or removing a friend. Now that Shew and I have surpassed this point, there's an unbalanced circle of friends. The termination of our friendship was made permanent last week when we ran into each other for the first time in weeks. Shew asked if we were good, I confirmed, "No." He then asked if I was angry, again I confirmed, "No." Finally, he asked what all this meant. I confirmed, "I prefer to not interact."

Alas, I have been hunting for a new person to fill the void. The importance of finding an additional friend is two fold. First of all, most of my friends have moved to Astoria, which is fine except for the fact that it's painful to just hangout on the fly. Second, when I hang out with my friends, such as this past Friday, and they bring along a friend we end up in a third wheel situation.

Florida, is the main candidate up for a friend role. We've been chatting for a while and hanging out a bit, but last night was the test of 'how do you function in a bar'. When Business and I go out playing judgement is our sport. If we're at Therapy we look down over the stairs and laugh at the crazy people that walk up, and fall down, the staircase. Anyone who is too nice will either be offended or get high and mighty when it comes to playing judgement. Florida was a little passive in comparison to me when playing, but he was able to hold his own.

So far the thing not working in Florida's favor is he isn't a big drinker. I like to think that my Irish blood allows me to drink until that warm sensation feels you up but isn't running down your leg. It's almost like the sensation people feel when they love someone. He had one beer to my three and looked like he was getting a buzz, this could potentially lead to alcohol poisoning if he were out with myself, the Animator and Business. We can't have that.

Another point in Florida's favor is that he has a boyfriend. However, the boyfriend lives in DC and they have the open relationship thing. By mistake I found out just how open when we were back at my apartment and clothing started falling off. If this encounter had been part of a movie, it would have only been shown on the spoof reel. Talk about the clumsiest sex of your life.

Florida is originally from Venezuela so his junk is a tad larger that a normal human beings. So when he wanted to be mister top, that was definitely not happening. I wasn't that drunk, and I'm not that flexible. The terror generated just from me thinking about him attempting to get that thing near me was enough to deflate and send me running. Being that it was four in the morning, it was best to just finish him off. Like a gift from Gawd, when a guy is done he passes out - has to be by design.

This morning when I sent him home and returned from grabbing coffee I realized my apartment smelled something like a Mexican brothel. The coconut scented/flavored lubricant and the lingering disappointment couldn't escape out the window fast enough. However, this passes another hurdle because there will be no sexual tension as I've already seen everything Florida's got.

Will he end up an actual friend, who knows. I would be interested to subject Florida to Business and the Animator to get their thoughts on the matter. Until then I'll keep hunting.

The Queens

Last night was Foxxy Business' annual Oktobertefest, no that's not a typo. An interesting night to say the least. My personal highlight had to be Business' friend Nissi. She comes up to me at the beginning of the party, "I know you." Really when someone says that to me it can go either way. It turned out she remembered that I have a habit of running my mouth and commentating on everyone/everything. She did take pause to ask if I was going to be able to control myself when the plus sized guests arrived. I'm not cruel, I know how to just use facial expressions to judge.

The party had a little bit of everything. A variety of pumpkin flavored beers, straight guys trapped in a room of gays, and Business getting sliced up by sugar laced with shards of glass - that's some serious diet action. After a few hours the Animator began to text and just happened to be down the street at a mutual friend's party. Once they realized that Shew was not with me, an invitation was extended and I navigated the foreign land of Queens.

There are only two things worth noting about the second party. One: I had to correct the story of what really happened with Shew two times, plus a few times at the first party. Two: The Russian was there and as I was leaving says, "I'd like to see more of you." I assume that means the obvious, but then again you never really know what someone's thinking. Also, I have no idea how intoxicated anyone was since I arrived to that party pretty late in comparison.

Trying to escape back to the city I managed to get the Animator and myself lost, piling into a cab for rescuing. Once back in the city I realized I'd had much more to drink than originally intended. As we stood in the center of Industry and the room began to spin, the most appropriate song was played. Oops...I did it again! Gay - yes. Amazing - more yes. Leaving on a high note, I had one final move in me for the evening. Mr. Kitty was getting a text whether he liked it or not. Having heard from him the night before at a point too late to go out, I was a little riled that he makes it so difficult to hangout. The point being, life is easy, stop making this shit so hard. Those are the drunken words of wisdom that I left him with before crawling onto the sofa and sinking into unconsciousness. Like I said, it was an interesting night.

Guns 'n Gays

Lately there hasn't been much to share. In the beginning I would post about the ridiculous things happening in my life. However, that all has become the normal. The inappropriate things I say are commonplace and it's more shocking to not have them said. However, in the spirit of Margarita Friday it is my duty to press on.

The Animator celebrated a birthday this past weekend, the big 3-0! Business, Shew and I arrived early with the intention of enjoying happy hour and a clear bar. Either the Animator is the most popular gay in the village or everyone was aware of the two-for-one cocktails. Being under six foot it's nearly impossible to get the bartender's attention. Not to mention the fact that they all happen to be straight, incredibly hot, but straight. That means my knockers aren't big enough to press against the bar for attention... bastards. A forty-something took it upon himself to inform the bartender I was waiting for service. This would have been viewed as an act of kindness if we lived in Nebraska. No shit I'm waiting for service, me and the two-hundred other homos jumping up and down waving their dollar bills.

The Animator and a few friends trickled in and our trio joined them. It's been so long since Mr. Animator has been a regular character in the ongoing play that is our life, you have to wonder if we can all still function together. A handful of his friends are not my cup of tea, mainly because they act as if they are dressed in robes of golden cuntiness. Much to my surprise the first friends to show with the Animator were the few that I like.

Business's ex-b was one of them. This made things more interesting because he brought along his new boyfriend. You could see the uncomfortable tension, not so much from Business, but his ex didn't seem to be exactly comfortable. The new boyfriend was perfectly nice, a little harry for my taste and definitely not as pretty as Business. When any of my ex's begin dating I like them dating someone like this. Mainly because I want to be viewed as the pretty ex. Shallow, yes.

We left the birthday around 9:30, a jukebox at another bar had my name on it. While Business and I fed dollars into the machine, picking song after song, Shew decided to start debating. First we talked politics, then gun control. There was really no reason to discuss any of this, mainly because once you get me drunk I'm even more vocal about what I think. As Shew told us there should be better gun regulation and laws I brought up my most valid of points. My Uncle took a gun and shot my aunt in the head. He had the gun legally. So it doesn't matter how strict you make the laws, people can obtain guns and shoot you in the head. And if they can't get them legally they can drive twenty minutes uptown and get it off the back of a truck. This is probably the butchest conversation the three of us have ever had.

Now that we are settling in for another work we, I'll count the days to Margarita Friday in anticipation of what drunken topic will piss me off next week.

The Power of Words

It's time to stop talking about people from the past. Apparently, there's something happening right now that makes people appear. On Thursday evening it just so happened that Paul the Pilot appeared at the bar my friends and I were visiting. Literally moments before this I had been talking about how he was a big old tease that never made a move.

Shew was the first to notice him as Paul the Pilot walked behind us. We said hello and he mentioned how whenever we run into one another he doesn't notice me. Thank you. Thank you for pointing out that I don't stand out in a crowd. To my point that the Pilot is a big tease. We are standing there watching the show when he starts rubbing my shoulders, leans in and asks, "Whose your daddy?" Are you for real?! One - no one is anybody's daddy here. Two - you could attempt to be if you actually made a move! Shocking side note: Guy on stage literally pulls off his pants and shows everyone his business.

Thirty minutes later we were leaving and I noticed the Pilot was in the back of the bar talking to the underwear-less wonder. He later claimed that he had no idea that was the guy from the stage. We all know that he found the kid, talked to him and in the back of his mind thought - this should be easy.

The next night I was exhausted from not being able to sleep and only stayed out for a few hours. We celebrated Foxxy Business' birthday in Queens at this great little restaurant, Queens Comfort. Eating fried chicken and waffles is amazing! Getting home early I was on the sofa and unwinding in preparation for bed. Who sends me a text... Delta. I had spoken about him with Foxxy Business a few hours earlier and here he comes out of nowhere.

Delta wanted to go grab a drink but there was no way I could pull myself off the sofa. He suggested he come over with drinks. I said yes, of course. Here he comes and he's obviously interested in a booty call but trying to play it off as if he was just over for a beer. Moving things along I made the first move and got the ball rolling. Ten minutes later I was falling asleep and told Delta it wasn't happening. I did offer him a chance to take care of things on his own in the bathroom. Though I was passing out it looked like he stormed out of the apartment. Being the good date that I am, I didn't call of text to make sure he as ok.

Lesson from this week - If you talk about them they will come... kind of.