To Crush a Crush

A crush is like having the flu. You don't really know when or where you picked it up, how long it will last, and there's no sure fire way to make it go away.

Originally my crush on Mr. Kitty had faded away due to lack of interaction. That changed two weeks ago when I attended a friend's holiday party. I knew Mr. Kitty was going to be at the party because he made a point of letting me know via text. This wasn't the motivation for attending, most of my friends were going so it was mandatory fun time. About an hour or so in I was heading out of the party for a short break while passing Mr. Kitty on the steps. As I had my focus on getting outside, I said a quick hello and kept on my way. He then text to ask if I was coming back.

Eventually I made my way back into the party, wet from rain and my glasses a streaky mess. Mr. Kitty and I ended up chatting most of the evening, from the living room to the bedroom. When I was finally ready to leave and hit the bar with my friends I said a quick goodbye. Much to my surprise, Mr. Kitty stole a kiss. It was odd because to be honest I have really not been getting a vibe that there was any interest on his part. It was also shocking because I'm not a public affection person - scratch that, I am a no affection of any type person.

This of course kicked my brain into 'think mode.' Meaning, I get girl brain and begin asking myself what everything meant and of course the worst thing happened... my crush returned full force. Over the next two weeks Mr. Kitty would pretty much vanish until last weekend when I was intoxicated and sent a message and then yesterday when out of the blue he asked if I was going away for Christmas. Questions that seem to show interest, but I can decipher if it's that or just general boredom on his part. So of course I provided what I thought to be clever answers that did not encourage the continuation of the conversation.

This is part of my person crush detox. I hate the feeling of a crush, it's annoying and similar to the feeling of a rash. So, my process is to personally not engage, nor set up conversations like the above mentioned in a way where the other person can easily engage. Second, I talk to my friends that are in relationships and ask them to tell me all of the miserable details. Ray Ray shared that she and her boyfriend never have sex, never go out, sit in front of the television and basically do nothing but rot away. It's soothing to know.

Like I said, there's no sure fire way to get rid of a crush, but the mind games I play with myself seem to be doing the trick.

The Rules of Life and Death

Only a handful of things have carved a lasting memory in the back of my mind. The day I was given my pug, Chico, is one of the rare memories.

It was Christmas Eve and my dad entered the kitchen bundled up with something in his coat. My parents had banded together to get me the dog I had wanted since I was a child, and at the age of seventeen they finally cracked. When he pulled out a tiny ball of wrinkles, I couldn't contain the excitement. Chico was the runt and the last one to be selected. How the barely open eyes of this puppy could not force anyone to fall in love is beyond me. Everyone that passed over my Chico doesn't understand what they missed out on, but I am incredibly glad they left him for me.

This was my first day with Chico. There were so many days with him that I could recount and smile about. Running circles in the street when all you wanted was for him to come in. Peeing on Ray Ray as she sat in the grass oblivious. Crying like a baby as you left him in the car to pump gas. Never have I met a dog with more personality.

What is unfortunate and almost to depressing to recount is the last day. My Chico slowly lost the use of his back legs and became ill. It came to a point where my family had to let go of him to prevent any pain or suffering, but it was the hardest decision and if it weren't for my mother I doubt it could have been made. When I received the call that hew was gone it was one of those moments that blindside you, leaving you standing in a puddle of sadness.

I do my best to show no emotion in public. There has only been one other instance that broke me down and that was the death of my aunt. This loss should have been expected, but the thought of Chico passing left me tearing up in the corner of a dark bar. Fortunately, I have friends that are there to offer any comfort, not that there is anything anyone can do.

My greatest fear is that my poor memory will get the best of me and I will look back someday and not truly remember. Like childhood pictures, I know them but I have no memory of them. I hope that the eight years I had with Chico will remain vividly present. I miss my Chico and can't help but stare at his pictures and wish that life weren't so set in stone with the rules of life and death.

Shotgun What?!

There are some messages so shocking that when you read them you nearly collapse. A text message appeared to day that said something I never could have guessed. Changing everything!

Marriage has always been on my list of things to hate. Ray Ray is the only person I was ever willing to be married to. We had decided it was the best way to go. This meant no one else would ever be able to marry either of us, we'd be together forever, and we could both continue to sleep with other men. The plan and execution have been perfect for several years now. I've dated... she's dated... and we've both had fun.

Today, Ray Ray sent a message informing me that she was engaged! The Prince of Pants got down on one knee and proposed (not with the ring in the end of his who-dilly). I have to say that he did it on Valentine's Day, making me want to vomit just a little bit. VD is the worst day to do anything. Three people I know were dumped. At least this is productive. Ray Ray getting engaged is just a slow descent into straight hell!

With this engagement happening after only a month of dating I'm skeptical that it will last. I could be wrong, but kind of hope to not be. If my wife marries this douche-zilla I'll be down to only one other friend that shares my relationship beliefs. Stay Lo and I may have to start some sort of alliance to fight back against marriage. I fear the disease is now airborne!

Compensating/Compendating

This post comes from a conversation I had a few days ago with B. Brown. We were talking about the guys you pick even when they're not what you're looking for.

Let's start with the B. Brown examples. When she shows me guys that she's dated in the past I have to ask what she was thinking! They're dogs, and she's a hot girl. She settles for them with the hope that they'll be the one. She trades looks and personality for possibility. No. Just no. This is not proper compendating.

It's okay to trade a pretty face for a nice body that you only see when the shirt is off. These guys are generally nice because people have a bad first reaction to them. It's cruel, but true. The opposite of this would be a guy that has a great face and a beer gut. This one is a little more tricky because he might have the ego that comes from people mistaking him as the 'total package'. In reality he's just another douche bag that doesn't have the body to back up the attitude that is slightly sexy.

I've generally picked the good face, bad attitude guys. There's just something about a guy that's going to treat you like crap. If you recall an earlier post titled 'The Dildo Awards' you'll see what I'm talking about. Shew does break the mold on this one because he doesn't fit into my pre-defined categories, but I'm sure I can find a way to fit him into my judgement mold in one way or another.

My wife, Ray Ray, is good at compendating. Her type is tall, pale, bone-thin, and creepy. The last guy was large, round, hairy, and liked to say, "suck my dick and lick my (hairy) balls." OY! That's disgusting... and funny. Ray Ray hates the oral, so to imagine her actually giving into a guy is something to ponder. She was willing to do something she hates for someone she isn't that interested in just to try and make a relationship. That's going above and beyond the things B. Brown and I have done.

Ray Ray may actually be the first to find what we're all searching for. She is dating the Prince of Pants. He's all the things she likes and has a giant piercing in the end of his who-ha! The only downside to this guy is that he is dependent on Ray Ray's car. That makes me wonder if he's using her just a little. Use my wife and I'll light ya on fire, bastard! With that out of the way, I am curious if they'll last. Ray Ray has sworn off sex with others, and turned down all of her fun buddies. Could she have turned the compendating curse around? Time will tell, until then I'll continue to report on the sexual antics.