Last Friday Night

Foxxy Business and I set out for a few drinks, hitting the usual haunts. A few hours passed, a nice buzz set in and things wrapped up with fast food and a late train ride home. That seemed to be the end of things as I made my way home. The couch called at to me...as did the forty chilling in the fridge.

Delta had other plans. Around 2:00 a.m. the text messages began to roll in, beckoning me to meet up at Bar East. A resisted as long as possible, but when he upped the ante and offered to pay for drinks it was impossible to say no. It was one of those Grindr free meet-ups that you knew would have the same outcome. Letting my impaired judgement get the best of me I headed out the door and up the street.

We drank for a few hours, some random drunk girl coming over to escape her date. She was entertaining until she decided to start asking questions about gay people. Unfortunately, I'm not a gay wiki waiting for her to peruse my selection. Once rid of the bug-eyed Betty, Delta suggested we leave and I swear tried to end the night and go home. Delta then told me he had beers at home in the fridge - it's like catnip to me!

At Delta's place, by the way he earned this name based on his place of employment (don't judge me for playing with a flight attendant), we had the crappiest airline beers I've ever had. Just because they say they're Italian, does not mean the taste is better. The beer was followed by mediocre kissing and if I was a wise man things would have ended based on this. No, I continued.

If you aren't cut then leaving your shirt on is a requirement - mostly because I don't need the memory tainted by flab. Once that was our of the way, pants came off and I'll be damned if his little soldier wasn't less than average. At this point I'd checked out and needed to wrap things up and leave. Delta on the other hand was just getting started.

Delta performed the two things that make me cringe. He's a booty licker and a finger sticker. - nooooo! It was like trying to fight off an Asian impatiently waiting to take your order. Once I put the kibosh on that I had to finish Delta off so I could escape. He was all hands, making it impossible to concentrate. Finally I gave up and faked it with a moan and a hand full of spit. It's amazing how many guys can be fooled in the dark. What a dumb-ass.

It made for an interesting night as I made my way home around six. Now I'm left avoiding texts and hoping to not run into Delta on the train. There will definitely not be a second performance. 

Sexy Business

Meeting people in bars isn't really my thing. Now and again there is a little casual conversation, but generally I'm with friends so I don't truly engage. Tonight was different.

My boss and I sat at the bar of a restaurant that we frequent, me drinking a beer and my boss chatting away on his phone. The man next to me was busy with chicken wings and felt compelled to speak. First he said hello. Out of politeness I replied with a, "hello." Then he told me about the food, asked where I was from, inquired as to why I was a the bar and even who was the man on the phone.

All was more than regular... I thought. Half an hour later he asked for my number and prepared to leave. This was a shock as we were no where near a gay bar and he didn't look like a closet case. Reluctantly I gave up my number - I'm in a foreign city, what could it hurt. You never really believe you'll hear from anyone you give a number out to...I'll be damned if he didn't text me within an hour.

I am pro sexy adventure and less interested in dating, so as the texts began to transition into the world of sexts I started to get cocky. He flirted, I flirted and then I told him to come over. As soon as I sent the text I felt my heart jump into my throat. What was I thinking, who was this person?!

Hook ups are awkward, let's be honest. It's made even worse when you're totally sober and the person is standing in front of you. Gay hook ups can be even more difficult. Who makes the first move, what if you're both aggressive? It runs the risk of turning into an endless loop of kissing and hair pulling!

It went well, but let me point out why this was actually a sexy adventure. Other than the fact that most New York City boys wouldn't be caught dead running around in a hat and jersey. Straight-ish boys are a plus. Also, boys outside the city don't need constant affirmation of how amazing they are and how cute. I of course do live in the city so I need this attention which Jersey was happy to provide without prompting. Two thumbs up for the out-of-town hotel fun.

Now we have to wait and see if he texts for seconds, or if he is truly like a straight-hump-and-chuck kinda guy.

Social Calls

Shew sent Twinkle Toes home today and shared with me the details of the previous night. How is it that people always end up disliking me in one way or another? Let's rewind to the previous night. Shew text to let me know he and Twinkle Toes were on their way to a bar I like downtown. I declined the invite because it was after 10 p.m. And watching bad movies sounded good to me. They enjoyed their night and eventually made it back to Shew's place. Turns out that I was blasted for not attending and labels sour. Apparently Twinkle Toes viewed me as perpetually unfun. I despise this accusation because the pious three evenings I had gone out and had a great time. May I also add that the first two times I met Twinkle Toes I went out of my way to be fun and friendly. He can suck it. Not only was I labeled unfun, but the rest of my friends were labeled unfun because we didn't go out of our way to socialize with Twinkle Toe's friends at the house party on Thanksgiving. That's about crap, what person wants to invest their evening in people they will never see again? Also, when the only activity is dancing around to Wii you have to expect some will decline the invite to participate. So my vote is for Shew to find a gay that's less high maintenance and more user friendly.

The Circle

Holidays are slightly different when you don't live near family. For the most part traditions don't interest me other than the gathering together. Fortunately, I have friends that fulfill this need. Thanksgiving really began on Wednesday and continued through Friday. The Animator who has been trapped within the confines of school has reemerged just long enough to partake of the fun. As one of my staple friends it has been unusual having him absent for so long. To compensate for the prolonged absence it became my mission to add a new friend to the circle.

Foxxy was originally The Animators friend and part of a couple that we occasionally encountered. Once Foxxy and his significant other split there was a need for The Animator to remain friends with both - separately. The down side of being friends with a couple is that when they break up one half of the couple will inevitably have to leave the group at some point. Only in very rare cases do both parties remain. Either things become awkward when one is dating or tension will come from someone still having some kind of interest in the other.

As of now Foxxy has officially become the fourth friend in my circle. Why am I placing such importance on this? Having a close knit circle of friends has always been a top priority. Three is the perfect number of friends as one is always available and no one ever ends up being left out. This comes from a decade of moving, making friends and then moving again just to start from square one.

A little bit about Foxxy as he is new to the mix and no one knows much about him. As I mentioned, he was originally one of The Animators friends, but fits well into our group. We have a lot of similar personality traits and he's the only friend who drinks beer as well! It's nice to not be the only one without vodka in my cup - minor details matter. The nickname Foxxy actually came from a group vote. Which means my habit of naming people has been adopted by my friends and that I only have a quarter of the vote. Didn't see that one coming.

Speaking of nicknames and committee voting - Shew has been dating a guy and The Animator took it upon himself to begin the naming process. I voted for Shooter as he is in television production and it has a nice play off of Shew. However, through the damn committee vote and The Animator's cousin, Noodles', extra vote we have settled upon Twinkle Toes, much to Shew's displeasure. This came from a house party on Thursday evening where Twinkle Toes was bustin' move to one of those Wii dancing games.

I'm not sure TT will be around for long as he isn't fond of us outside of Shew. Though Shew doesn't seem to realize he is beginning to exhibit the dating traits similar to my own. Lord help him!

In 30 days time

There's been more life packed into the last month than the last year as a whole. September is usually an exciting month due to my birthday appearing right int he middle. My grandfather's birthday happens to be the day after mine. This has always been comical because the day I was born he asked my mother, "you couldn't wait a day?"

My grandfather passed away on September 15th, hitting all of us pretty hard as it wasn't expected. My grandmother asked me to be one of the two that would escort her at the church/cemetery - she's at a point where walking isn't that easy. This was definitely an honor. my grandmother has always had a special place with me and sitting alone with her in the front of the church as person-after-person spoke of my grandfather was a strong experience. I'm not much for tears, but she definitely got a few out of me. She was kind enough to whisper whimsical comments about my grandfather as I began to choke up - I think she was there more for my benefit.

The funeral meant I needed to return to Utah and my dad was nice enough to cover the ticket. Fortunate because I didn't have the cash on hand for a last minute flight. I did notice that there are no longer photos of me in his house. In fact the few that were there have been pulled from their frames and replaced. This struck me because it's as if the memory of me is being eradicated. You would think my living 2,000 miles away would be enough.

After all of this business I returned to the city only to discover my building had a bed bug outbreak. That meant everything had to go in the trash. Five large bags of clothing, furniture, books and piles of work papers. I did uncover the closest thing I'll ever have to a love letter while rummaging through the items that needed to be discarded. On my 20th birthday my boyfriend at the time was well aware of my displeasure. I was unhappy not living in the city and he put together a birthday that allowed me to pretend I was in New York even though it was a distant and unobtainable dream. Definitely one of the presents to keep forever even though the two of us only lasted a short time and moved in opposite directions.

The death of my grandfather makes me worry about the future of my grandmother and how long she will be with us. I'm not prepared to handle that day that she is not. Bed bugs are an endless battle but I am armed with plenty of toxic products to fight them! As for the letter it brings to my my cynicism and in a sick way reinforces my dating thought process and reminds me how I arrived at this place.

Don't ask. I won't tell.

A man keeps calling my phone. He's calling with questions about the past. It brings me great joy to tell, discuss and examine the pieces of my life...now. As a believer in don't forget, don't forgive, but move on with your life, I hesitate to talk to this man.

This man is about to get married. In fact, he is about to marry my father's ex-wife. They have been divorced roughly ten years, and if you can do the math and notice the phrasing, she was clearly my stepmother. The relationship was bad to say the least. Though the seven year period in which they were married was filled with such unpleasantness that it is not an acceptable topic of discussion, I do credit the time with shaping me into the person I've become. Which I think is a positive, though some who have dated me would lean the other way.

Why is this man calling? On hiring a private investigator to learn about the woman that told him, "I am worth a two carat ring" after only two months, the strange man has uncovered bits of the truth. He learned that he would be husband number fourteen. He learned of excommunications from a church. He learned of affairs with men some twenty years younger, and the list goes only gets worse from that point.

The man initially contacted my father, whom gave him some background but suggested he connect with me as much of the events over throughout the marriage were centered upon myself. The reaction was not what I had thought it would be - uncertainty. Many years passed and I was convinced that if I just had the opportunity to express the disgust I feel towards this person that all would be resolved. The opportunity, or as close as I'll ever get, has now presented itself and it seems more damaging than necessary. Many of the memories have recessed so deep into my mind that I can't recall them, though the true damage is that the good memories are gone as well.

Feeling an obligation to warn this strange, I forwarded his call to my mother. Though she was not directly in the line of fire, she witnessed from the sidelines and often stepped in to deal with the ongoing drama and problems. She shared an hour of horror stories that she said shocked and repulsed this poor individual. Then he confessed he was smitten by her beauty and she was like a drug. I highly doubt this man will take any warnings, and fully believe he will marry my father's ex. I hope for his sake that his mental state is strong and that he has no children.

Hitting 10,000

My goal is to share ‘The Anomaly’ with 10,000 readers. I need your help to make this happen. Download a free copy, write a review, post to Facebook or email a friend. Share with as many people as possible. Get your copy here: http://bit.ly/jaP0Ia

The goal is to reach 10,000 downloads by 10/23/11 when I will run in the Komen Race for the Cure. You may also donate to help me reach $3,000 and fight breast cancer via http://www.komenmd.org/2011/brianwinters (You do not need to donate to get the book download - donating is just a bonus!)

Description(The Anomaly)

Everything is more than it seems in a world where no one can truly be trusted. Alexander loses his position of power within the Council, only to be replaced by his student Jen. Her timid demeanor leaves her at the mercy of the other Council members. A former friend to Alex, Anna, is Jen's only aid in her pursuit of power.

Secrets reveal the truth about The Anomaly and the unusual connection it has to one of the main characters. With vampires lurking in the background, Demon Gods running wild, and enemies around every corner, you won't be able to catch your breath. The suspense builds as the conclusion draws you in for the finale and a preview of what's to come.

This book is available on your iPhone, iPad, or iPod touch with iBooks and on your computer with iTunes.

One. Two. Done.

On the 4th of July, I met a guy at the party my friends and I decided to attend. That meeting led to a date. We went to a pub, wandered around and chatted for a while. A very typical first date - nothing out of the ordinary and no sex. The following Friday I met the Russian for a second date. This time we met at a bar. I wasn't feeling hungry and what's the point of eating when everyone prefers to get drunk.

Becoming properly intoxicated, The Russian and I made our way to Barrage.  A few more drinks and the conversation was slipping into that flirty kind of something. It was surprising  to say the least when I glanced up, The Animator and Shew standing to the side. Pulling out of shock I went straight to excitement. Generally on a date I would avoid my friends as they are a distraction, but I was drunk and ready to have fun.

Through the encouragement of my friends we headed for the next bar. This was the breaking point for The Russian. He said a quick goodbye and bolted for the train back to Queens. The rest of the night was typical. Drinks, dancing and sexy fun. This was followed up minor an instant message the next day and an un-returned text several days later. Clearly, my bridge had been burned.

Now, let's look at how this was doomed before the first date. On my way to meet The Russian for date number one I ran into Shew. We rode the train together when he informed me that The Russian had bedded one friend, one semi-friend and one never-gonna-be-a-friend. This turned me off. It's not sexy to show your business to someone who has been with people you know.

So, to close out this dating chapter. What have we learned: Don't let your friends tell you what they know. Don't let your friends join. And do remember that sending a second text when the first was ignored is just bad form.

Play With Me

There are points in time where my past life intersects with my present life. The last few days have been once such intersection, and all I know is that I should have given my friends more warning.

Mandee came to visit and our first night our began with a non-drag drag show, followed by dancing at the Ritz. When I was underage we used to dance on tables, in cages and on stage to such an extreme that no one believed I was gay. We picked up right where we left off, the only difference was that the clothes stayed on! Shew and the Animator were definitely surprised by my sexy straight behavior.

The next day brought a surprise as Mandee's boyfriend came to visit. I didn't realize he would be staying with us in my apartment. I'm not a big of strangers, and hate anyone being in my space. I did my best to accommodate and can say that my overall rating of him is average. Typical whiny straight guy. He wasn't aware that Mandee and I can entertain ourselves without any additional input.

Other memorable moments include: Getting ripped off by a tour bus from Chinatown. Getting stuck in the rain when the Museum of Sex was closed. Walking around battery Park half naked.

Our last big night out was the 4th of July and included rooftop drinks and fireworks. Definitely a fun night that will have a follow up when I take care of some sexy business. I left Mandee and her boy (did I mention she has a husband waiting at home - he knows about the bf) at their hotel and continued home. Shew cam along to grab some junk he left and then sat down on the sofa. We nearly had an altercation as I was forced to physically remove him from my apartment. All I can say is when someone tells you to go home - go the f*** home!

My friend is now headed home, but I made sure to get her good and toasted before sticking her in a cab headed for JFK. It was great to slip back into the shoes of my former self and dance, be sexy and just take a break. I'm ready for life to resume.

Trial by Stupidity

I've dated and "dated" my fair share of individuals. What I've learned is that there are several types of guys, but in they end they all come from the same mold. Stick with me on this - I have a point.

The Lover: This is the guy that wants to give you the world. He's sweet and attentive. It's even cute for about three minutes. By the time my coffee cup is empty it's getting old. They want to love, hug and suck the life out of you by interjecting into every crevasse that is you. What ultimately will turn into an ugly break up can result in snow balls being thrown at windows. Trust me on this one.

The Liar: Not the, "I love you," lie. This is the guy that seems to be on the up and up but is actually banging a bunch of bar skanks behind your back. The only thing good here is the bedroom time, but keep in mind this gentleman has served more people than an In and Out burger.

The Game Player: This one is a personal favorite. You never really know what's going on because they seem like they're a good guy, but are unavailable or always disconnected in some way. You'll easily be turned into the crazy person that can't stop sending texts and leaving voicemails. This one is dangerous not only to your mental health but also your reputation. The Game Player always knows everyone and when you're done there's at least six months of running into people that "know" you.

The Open Guy: He loves and wants to be with you. The only thing is he needs to be getting his rocks off with a few other people each week. But he loves you because you're waiting at home. Are you kidding me?


Now we come to my point. Men are creatures of habit, and that habit just so happens to be hanging between their legs. So, with the passing of the gay marriage bill in New York I'm asking why? Never have a I met a gay man that wasn't below average in the attractive area that wanted to truly commit to another person. In fact, I can compile a list of those that claimed to be in a committed relationship and then cheated or left all together.

This marriage thing had a place in society... in the distant past, but really has no place in modern society. The only people who need to get married are the gold diggers that refuse to get off theirs asses and work for a living. To further prove my point I am counting the days until the first gay couple in New York gets divorced. They will effectively prove my point that no marriage can last and that investing time in such an endeavor was a waste of their time and my tax dollars.

Bar Money

Today was an interesting day. I finished an article that I had been asked to write for another blog. After proofing the piece and feeling a sense of accomplishment it suddenly seemed odd that I was being asked to write a piece for a national technology blog. When did I become a technology expert? This has been plaguing my mind as the sixth anniversary of my first book passed me by this week. I'm a fiction writer with a psychotic work ethic that has derailed personal goals in order to build a company that's not mine.

This will not do. Corporate America is not for me... except for the paychecks they offer. That piece is definitely for me. In an effort to reconnect with the person other people somehow remember me being, I've made an effort to act as such. Last Thursday I went out with friends to a drag show. Friday was filled with beer and bar hopping. Saturday was a walk around the city followed by a visit to the bar. After all that - I'm tired! Damn I feel old. How is it that anyone can go out more than once a week and still function the next day? It's not just 21 year old kids running around either, there are 45 year old men living this way. Could it be their gay gene is stronger than mine? Well, obviously. I'm on the lesbian side of that debate. But really, how are they keeping it up as they pass from bar to bar to bedroom to bar?

When Sunday rolled around and it was time for 'Broadway Bares' it was all I could do to bitch and moan. Literally, I spent the entire day bitching that I had to stay up until two! The show was definitely fun, and I got my fill of boob for the year, but that time on a Sunday is murder. That corporate part of my brain kept telling me: Work. Work. Work! It was all I could do to not back out and stay home to get ready for Monday. The newly formed republican personality that has been living in my head is so difficult when it comes to fun.

No matter how tired I am it is my goal to not allow this transition to continue. The fun must return and the boring straight personality that has taken over needs to be pushed back into the black box where it belongs. Maybe it's time to date someone so there's someone new to argue over things.

Relationship Intolerance

Beginning in the sixth grade (it may be younger now) we are told to practice safe sex. Then the adults tell you that sex is only meant to happen between married couples. Where does that leave people like me? There's no marriage in sight and for the time being it's illegal and not something I have to worry about avoiding. On the other hand, I have a relationship intolerance that makes it impossible to stay with someone - less they succumb to the pressure of a pillow pressed against their face.

So, as a perma-single, I and many others have a little predicament. Either we give in and get on the relationship wagon, or we allow society to classify us as sluts and whores. Well bring on the labels because there's no surrender happening here! Not that this is such a new revelation but over the last several months I have been reevaluating my views on sex and dating. One is always sucking me into the other. This led to disasters such as the Devil, Dollar and many other less than desirable candidates.

As a gay in today's society we know that sex comes before the relationship. The smart thing to do is establish rules, mostly because I love them, around the sex in order to prevent any relationship from forming. The first thing is to never bring the fling home. No matter what, anything that happens must occur at their place, unless you're really crazy and want to get it on outside. Living in the city it's not as easy to do this considering most of us don't drive cars. The second is making a quick escape as soon as everything has come to a climactic end. This is then followed by absolutely nothing. Other than a few random texts for personal entertainment purposes there are no repeat visits.

There's just one other detail you may be left wondering about - love. Where does it fit into this equation? It doesn't. In fact, if that's you're interest I can't relate to you and probably have damaged you by sharing what I have. If you're in it for love I suggest you buy some country albums and curl up in front of Netflix each night to shuffle through the drama category.

Love is for the optimistic. Sex isn't just for the relationship oriented. Last but not least, whores and sluts do have more fun - they just need better titles. The Bible really ruined that one for everyone.

Better With Age

If Alice had lived in New York City she wouldn't have worried about Wonderland. In fact, she probably would have been a tranny or a drag queen trolling 8th Avenue looking for a Mad Hatter.

In this instance I would be Alice - minus the dress, hair and pretty much every other thing that makes her Alice. Except for the Mad Hatter piece. In my case, my Mad Hatter is a forty-something that likes to say my name, well what he thinks is my name, and tell me how it is. In a previous post I mentioned going on my first date in some time and we had a sort of follow up date. It was a follow up in the sense that it was the second time we had purposefully gotten together. However, this time it was really just a booty call because I was home alone on a Saturday night.

Trying my hardest to be kind, let me recap the events of the evening. Things get better with age - in the wine world. This is apparently not true in the sex world. I thought only thin lipped people were poor kissers but I have been proven wrong. The constant biting felt something like a bulldog attacking my face. Not to mention that I was being pushed away due to "over-excitement". It's fine if you're quick to finish your business but learn to accept it rather than making me wait. Honestly, I could have run out for a cup of coffee, returned and still had time to read a magazine.

The only thing worse was what I can only describe as a leg wrap. The Mad Hatter, did I mention he was formerly the Doctor in a past post, kept wrapping his legs around me in the strangest way. I was compelled to try and look because the pain inflicted on my shins left me curious as to what the hell was going on down there. When it was finally over he wanted to talk.

Not, how are you talk, but tell me how I am talk. Every other sentence was telling me how level headed and together I am. Then the Mad Hatter started in on telling me when I get to be older I'll feel and think this and that. Oh my lord, it's like he's never spoken to me, or anyone, before. Who really wants to be told how it is? For sure not me. If anything, I'll do the opposite just to prove a person wrong. As my high school best friend said when we spoke for the first time in years, "You haven't changed at all".

At this point I'm doing my best to avoid the calls from the Mad Hatter. There's no way I'm enduring that again. I've moved on, though he thinks he has found a booty call.

Later Dater

People joke that if you don't have sex you'll get rusty and forget how. It occurred to me that this may also apply to dating. I hadn't been on a first date since November of 2009, and decided I better make some effort before officially retiring to my world of solitude.

I'm not a brunch person but agreed to meet my date one Sunday morning for a quick bite. This is slightly ironic because London (Who by the way now lives in NYC and is being called: No Longer London) invites me to brunch now and then and it never works out. Brunch is just such a pain in the ass, the only benefit is getting to drink without judgement. Keeping with my naming convention, this guy has been deemed, The Doctor. Oral Doctor to be specific - and I mean that in the surgical context.

The date was actually decent. It was nice to talk to someone that wasn't trying to get me in a cab with my pants around my ankles. It may be because he's a slight bit older than I am... twenty years give or take. The only downside is that he's in the commitment phase as he inches closer to death more quickly than myself. Not sexy. Anyone looking for commitment should get a kitty. It never works when someone tries to smother me with anything other than a pillow.

A second date has been planned, but only after running into The Doctor in Union Square. It was comically uncomfortable as I was with Shew and the questions started coming. To be honest, I don't like my friends or family knowing about my dating life (what little of one I now have). They pry, pester and bug the shit out of me.

As long as the dating continues, sharing the experience with the world outside of my immediate contacts seems best. People in cyberspace are so easy to relate.

The Planets All Aligned

It's been an interesting few months. To be honest I could leave it at that, shut the laptop and go to bed. There have been several times since November that I sat down to write something and it suddenly seemed pointless. This stems from a few unfortunate events that mentally derailed me from my projected path.

On a routine visit to the dermatologist for a quick mole-snipping it was discovered that a patch of melanoma was in the early growth stages on my back. The news was not all that jolting considering the amount of tanning that I did once upon a time. Those teen years will always come back to haunt you in one  way or another. That news led to cuts, stitches and more spots that needed to be removed. I'm on par with the acceptable amount of vanity when it comes to societal norms and having scars left isn't something I want to tolerate. To date I am healed and on hold before I will allow the doctor and his scalpel back into my life.

Then came the holidays and travel disasters. The holiday storms made getting back to Brooklyn a nightmare, but I had B. Brown along for the ride and managed to make the trek. Our trip wasn't as incredible as those in the past. I've come to a point where I'm not too old to act young and too young to act old. However, I have adopted the old act fairly well. B. Brown and I went at each other twice during her trip. It turns out that when one person wants to have a good time drinking and the other just wants to have a good time sitting at the bar things will fall apart. We managed to survive and things are good, but it left me feeling like I'm the "mother" figure to more people than I would like to admit.

What has to be the most shocking of all events took place this past weekend. I packed my things into neat brown boxes, climbed into a truck and said goodbye to Brooklyn. Transit cuts, cold weather and a demanding job have forced me into the city where I am conveniently located no more than two blocks from everything. Considering I have advocated on behalf of Brooklyn and why it is superior to the other boroughs, I feel a bit guilty throwing in the towel and making the move. It is with luck that my apartment has an elevator and an amazing tub to soothe my concerns and allow me to carry on with life.

In a nutshell that's everything that has been going on these past few months. I do however feel a new page being turned in my life and new adventures to come. With my new apartment comes and extra three hours a day that no longer have to be spent commuting. It is my duty to fill these hours with adventures!