Bye Bye Boyfriend

I asked the question I knew the answer to. I didn’t really want to believe it was true, but now there’s no turning away from it.

Newbie is the newest in the long line of assholes that I have dated. Though as far as a liar goes he’s right up there. When we first met he discovered who The Devil was. Revealing to me that he knew him; that meant they had hooked up. I’m blonde but a handicapped blind man could have figured that one out. Newbie denied the claim.

Having lectured me on being empty and not opening up, I was assuring myself that it was time to put him out the door. I have repeatedly said that I don’t want anyone right now and that I’m empty inside. Somehow, these guys think I’m joking or kidding. They think they’ll change me, or that they might be the one. Newbie even confessed the L word and was upset I mocked him here.  

So, now I will reveal my revenge tactic. Newbie mentioned that we weren’t exclusive so I wasn’t allowed to be upset over what he was out doing. That rule applies to me as well. No one knows about London. We met last year while I was dating Wall Street, then he up and moved to London. Back in town for a few days, I literally jumped on him. The sex was good and thank J his dick was circumcised. Sorry Newbie, I can’t stand an uncut penis. It’s disgusting. I’ve walked out on a guy before for having foreskin. Not to mention the fact that one of the two times I actually put out I ended up with lint and a string in my mouth.

Now, I went to the source to confirm my curiosity. I asked The Devil himself if they had hooked up. He confirmed it with a landmark Newbie had once mentioned. I may be forgetful but I remember all of the things I can hold against you. Why trust The Devil? He’s not dating me, what reason would he have to lie? I then told Newbie I didn’t want to see or hear from him anymore because I think that he’s a lying douche bag. He informed me he would show up at my work and make a scene. Be my guest, my life is a scene, we may as well make it interesting.

Did I mention The Devil said Newbie was a whore? That’s saying something. I also have it on good authority that Newbie is doing some unflattering things while at the gym. If nothing else, I’ve learned after the last dating disaster to do my homework. I’m not about to let myself get tangled up with another one of these guys. Luckily I was smart this time and didn’t commit without looking in ever corner.

This does add something new to the game of love. Nice guys that are really dicks in disguise. I didn’t know any of them could parade around for so long in front of me without being detected. Newbie is officially old news. I suppose this means B. Brown will have to be on the hunt for someone new before she leaves town on Sunday.