Detox

The day in December that will mark one year of being single is nearly upon us. I don’t count the two flings I’ve had this year as actually dating. They were more like temps. This year has been all about getting rid of the bad.

I’ve been hanging out with Shew a lot lately, and the best part is he isn’t interested in labeling anything. It takes some of the pressure off, especially when it usually puts me into crazy mode. Though there have been a few moments when I notice the intense insanity bubbling in the pit of my stomach. Fortunately for me, it can be killed with several beers and making out.

It’s also good that Shew is more than happy to have me stay over. I recently told my roomie that I intend to move out when our lease is up. More to the point, I no longer wish to reside with her. I don’t know if anyone noticed, but on my Facebook I had mentioned removing the last one-upper from my life. Well, my roomie is the biggest one-upper alive. Her response to my moving out, “I was already planning on doing that.” A lie. I know this because less than a month before she was telling B. Brown about us maybe getting a bigger place. A month before that she told me that she might be willing to take an extra hundred dollars of the rent so I would want to stay another year. So, I’ve been spending a lot of time at Shew’s apartment to get some space.

It’s not so much that I don’t want to be friends with my roomie anymore; it’s more that I can’t handle being around such a self-centered person. When my mom was visiting I was mortified when my roomie said, “I have so much money, I don’t know what to do with it.” I don’t discuss money. I also don’t try and let other people know if I make more than them. No one wants to hear that kind of stuff. I can’t figure out if it’s a low self-esteem issue, or some weird childhood thing. She’d be better to do like the rest of us and get some sort of drinking problem. On an up note, it appears she is giving me the silent treatment. No clue why, but I’m certainly enjoying it.

Things will soon be getting better. Shew is an expert apartment finder, B. Brown is moving to the City, and in March I will be free of this place.

Put Your Left Shew In

This may come as a shock, it certainly did to me, but I’ve met a nice guy. Not the nice guy that turns out to be a dick sucking assholes, but what I believe may be the rare and illusive nice guy.

The Animator and I went out to his friend’s birthday this past week. I use the term friend loosely as this guy is really the Animator’s long-term crush. The party was at Mr. Blacks, my former favorite club. This was another new location and I had yet to see it. I am happy to say that it is now closer to me and not half bad. 

One confession on my part: I kinda met someone online.  Tacky? A little. However, it’s safer to be meeting someone online, and I’m not talking about manhunt here, than it is to be meeting them in bars. At least this way I get to see some pics, a bio, and dig through his friends to weed out any connections that would later prove to be problematic. We’re talking about Shew: The shoe designing Jew. 

I invited Shew to stop by the party since his plans had been cancelled. I was surprised when he made an appearance, probably not my best idea considering how much I had already consumed at the bar. The three of us danced as the Animator tried to get some face time with his ‘friend’. I would later tell him, and several times that night, that he was way too cute to waste time on the birthday guy. On a side note, the Animator dislocated his arm so I may have to start calling him Hulk.

One more bar and it was time to go home. To Shew’s home that is. We made our way back to what would turn out to be his brother’s house. He was watching the place while they were away. Clearly this boy and I are in very different social circles because the apartment was amazing. Some semi-innocent fooling around would lead to sleep. The only problem was that Shew didn’t finish; never has a guy not been able to finish with me. I’m gonna blame it on the alcohol, but I suppose there’s really no way of knowing.

Jumping a few days ahead: Shew and I have been out a couple of times for coffee and conversation. I was highly impressed that he could remember how I take my Starbucks after only one previous encounter. That right there meant he was gonna be getting laid. We did end up at his place that night on the Upper East Side, reaffirming that we are in very different social circles. I’m very Brooklyn and he is definitely City. I predict that this will be an issue if there is a later, but for now there’s no need to worry about it unless he ever wants to see my place.

Now I have officially entered once again into the exciting world of dating where hearts and asses are broken in an instant. 

Three

Halloween. The night of all nights when it comes to mischief. 

When B. Brown and I set out I was on the tired side. This was our third night out in a row. Lately I’ve been all about work and home, which means one night out is exhausting. Three beers and we were out the door to meet the Animator. We got into the city just after the parade had ended, which made for an interesting commute.

The first place we stopped at had a good crowd, and I give it two thumbs up because the incredible hot delivery guy literally felt my business. When you’re that hot I’m not going to tell you no until later. The Animator got us out in one piece and we met up with two of his heavily intoxicated friends. I realized at this point I had hit a wall. My early buzz had worn off and was stopping me from reaching optimal drunkenness. 

The Animator’s friends were nice. So nice in fact that the guy came back to introduce himself to me three different times, not once getting my name right. We followed them to a house party in a typical New York apartment. The room was the size of an area rug and thirty people were crammed in there. We lasted all of five minutes before heading back into the rain. 

I insisted that we stop at View bar. I was overjoyed to see it was open. Iago, the bane of my existence, informed me about a month ago that the health department had closed it. I don’t know if that was true or a sick joke. Inside there wasn’t a single dick in sight. Chugging our drinks we were once again off.

We stopped for food at B. Brown’s request. She was pacing herself on the drinks after her experience from last night. It seems that vomiting is not as thrilling as bulimics make it out to be. I hate to admit but I was still checking my phone every two minutes to see if London had messaged. Finally, he did, an update on where he was and the plan for the night.

With the knowledge that I would be seeing London, and our tummies full, we moved on. Posh was the next place we landed. It was an interesting crowd to say the least. We drank and danced while this much older man tried to get in between B. Brown and myself. I wouldn’t allow it. I yanked her away and we were out the door. I was pretty much done at this point, never really achieving a hard-on for Halloween.

The Animator stayed behind while we stopped in at a straight bar. Well, we thought it was a straight bar. B. Brown tried to hit on two of the guys at the bar, but they turned out to be playing for my team. As we left London text to say he would be home shortly and I should come over. This was the moment that I met my Halloween disappointment. I had to work in the morning and that meant not staying out all night. I didn’t like it but I had to tell him no.

B. Brown told me to go see him, but it was too late. I received several messages from him telling me to get my behind in gear, but I had to be responsible. I regret not going over, but the good news is that he will be back in December. I can’t be certain things will pan out, but at least there is a second chance for me to get my fill of London.

Two

Typically, I’m not the responsible one when going out. I’m more likely to need a fun-monitor than anything else.

B. Brown and I got our butts in gear and headed into the city where we planned to meet the Animator. Last night we had played at the gay bar and to keep it fair we headed to the straight bar. Joshua Tree is where we founded an impressively hot bartender in May. The hope was that he would be there and B. Brown would get a second chance at their first time.

I sported my Panda mask, provided by the Animator who was dressed as Spock. There were tons of costumes and I just want to point out that no one received attention for their costume like the Animator. Two points for him. The three of us sat at the edge of the bar, two of us all ready tipsy. The bartenders working were ok, but nothing stellar. The cuter of the two was busy being a douche and serving the easy looking girls twenty feet away.

Drink… drink and we were all feeling it. The Animator had headed across the street with his friend that had dropped in. Confident that B. Brown could handle herself for half an hour, I followed. One drink and I was ready to go. There was a chance that London was going to have a free minute and I was more interested in watching my phone than engaging people in the costumed crowd. Phone watching is an activity best done in a dark sit down bar, otherwise people are bumping into you.

I headed back to B. Brown to find her a little riled up. It seems that she had started asking the bartender the questions we never ask. You know, things like: Why aren’t you hitting on me? We’re talking about the nicer of the two bartenders and he wasn’t sure how to handle my B. He looked relieved that I had returned. However, B. Brown was having no part of it. Dumping her drink on the bar she headed for the bathroom. 

When ten minutes had passed and no B had returned, I headed in after her. It seems the friendly bartender had been giving her ‘princess drinks’ and double shots. Sick does not begin to describe what B. Brown was. We spent a solid two hours in the bar bathroom, fortunately they were nice enough not to kick us out. After finding a cab that wasn’t afraid of vomit we made it back to Brooklyn. I was very proud of B. Brown for making it to the bathroom before letting her stomach get the best of her. Unfortunately, the toilet lid was down. I tucked her into bed, wiped myself and the toilet off, and checked my phone once again. No London.

I have a new found respect for my friends. There have been times in years past when they have held my head while I prayed to the toilet for death. Thank you! Tomorrow is Halloween; another chance for London games and vomit filled nights.