Remember December

When you’re a teenager having a crush is cute. When you’re in your twenties, it’s somewhere between desperate and pathetic. 

Now and then it happens; feelings creep up from behind, leaving you in a state of disarray. I’ll admit I’m a bit surprised by what’s been going on in my head lately. Over the past few weeks I’ve developed a massive crush. Probably to be expected considering the length of time I’ve gone without dating, etc. The strange part isn’t so much the crush, but the person it’s formed around. 

There’s no new dick in my life, unless you count the pervy old man that made dirty gestures to me through the ATM window. As of late I have been very into Newbie. (Did anyone expect that?) My dilemma stems from him having learned his lesson from the first go around. I don’t consider the time we were hanging out to be dating, but I’m pretty sure he did. I acted like a little bitch, pretty standard, drove him away and we both went about our lives. What is this resurgence of interest? Usually I only remain interested in the guys that behave as assholes; look how last year ended and this year started.

I got drunk a while ago and around six in the morning it seemed like a good idea to text Newbie. Short and sweet, I mentioned I wanted to get together. It was a day or so later that he asked me to go with him to a bar. This is where the fuzzy enters. We both paid for our own drinks and food, which suggests we were there as friends. However, we were sitting on a couch and he had his arm wrapped around me, suggesting maybe it was more of a date. I can’t decipher if the arm was a move or a reaction. I had mentioned I was cold, we were right below the air conditioner, and he could have just been doing the polite thing.

Newbie was a horn-ball; that is probably his most memorable trait from earlier blog entries. He didn’t even attempt to come home with me after the bar and the boy was drunk. I asked The Animator for advice and he suggested that maybe he didn’t think there was an invitation. That’s possible, considering I was a frigid bitch when it came to sex. The Animator also suggested that I just tell Newbie I’m crushing on him. Doesn’t that break the first rule of dating: Never admit what you’re feeling.

I’m somewhere between a cock and a hard place. I’m not doodling his name on notepads, but I am thinking about him. I still don’t believe there can be a hello without a goodbye, but I suppose it’s still worth trying to get past the hello to see what’s between the two.